Carom

Berlin Polar Bears on PRI's Marketplace

justwide — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:49:27 GMT

Marketplace, PRI's often-excellent economic news program, ran a piece last week on the Berlin Polar Bears, an East German team from the days before reunification. The Bears' erstwhile home rink, East Berlin's Sheet Metal Palace, had plenty of character but no luxury boxes — so they moved, inspiring mixed feelings among some of the team's faithful. Blackhawks fans can probably relate.

Ice hockey! Class issues! Ostalgie! Worth a listen.

WTF from the Past: Pro Stars

justwide — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 18:09:11 GMT

Sports fans throw the word "hero" around pretty carelessly. Sure, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and Bo Jackson were phenomenal athletes in their respective primes. (Boy, some primes are longer than others, hunh Bo?) But true heroism entails more than just excellence in sport. True heroes should fight crime, too.

That's just what the jocks did in "Pro Stars," a largely forgotten and wholly forgettable Saturday morning cartoon dating from 1991. As with any great team, each member of this triumvirate of sports titans had his own distinct part to play: Mike was the brains of the outfit, Bo was the muscle, and Wayne provided the comic relief — a role for which, as student columnist Mark Polishuk correctly observed in the University of Western Ontario Gazette, the real-life Great One would have been very poorly suited. He was also hungry all the time.

The Pro Stars lived in a gym with their mom, "a quasi-Yiddish and Jewish mother stereotype" who supplied them with strange inventions to help them on their adventures.

What was this all about? Well, it was "all about helping kids," as [the voice actor portraying] His Airness proclaimed at the end of the theme song. Ah, the theme song, that's another weird thing about this already weird-from-top-to-bottom show.

The original version — if you can call it that — was based closely on Queen's quintessential stadium anthem "We Will Rock You," with the refrain "we are, we are Pro Stars." Listen to it here. A revised version still used the stomp-stomp CLAP form, but didn't ape the Queen song note for note. You can hear that one over this video of the opening sequence. It seems the editor couldn't find good footage of a Gretzky slap shot: The lyric "Wayne's hot, slap shot!" instead accompanies a clip of the Great One flipping a little backhander into the goal.

Why is Chris Pronger So Angry?

justwide — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 16:41:51 GMT

Chris Pronger is, in all likelihood, going to win his first Stanley Cup tonight. So why's he so dadgummed peevish? He's had two single-game suspensions in as many playoff series for dangerous hitting, and hasn't been too concerned with contrition. (Of course he nailed Tomas Holmstrom in the head, he told reporters — he's taller than Holmstrom; it's simple physics!)

The Globe and Mail says Pronger is subject to a "temper that he can't always keep under control, especially if things don't go his way." What's a three-time all-star in the Stanley Cup finals got to be so pissed off about? Well...

01. On the night the Blues honored Pronger's longtime defensive colleague Al MacInnis, Pronger was in town with the visiting Oilers. Pronger says he taped a video tribute to Chopper, but it never played on the big screen. Talking with reporters about the snub later, Pronger asked "did they lose it? I think they lost it."

02. If this off-key video parody was about you, you'd be annoyed, too.

03. Pronger arrived in Anaheim to find his number since always — number 44 — already in use by Rob Niedermayer. So now he's number 25. Did he make a stink about the switch? No, "I really haven't thought about it, the whole number deal," he said. "Im far enough along in my career that numbers don't really matter." Sure, Chris, just bottle that rage. It will burst free in a terrible explosion of wrath at some later time.

04. During the 1998 Stanley Cup Playoffs, facing Detroit, Pronger took a puck to the chest which briefly stopped his heartbeat. He recovered, but there are those who say his undead heart has lacked the capacity for compassion toward other humans ever since.

05. Growing up with the last name "Pronger" can't have been easy, even in Canada, land of many hilarious surnames. In 1984, Gedde Watanabe's unforgettable performance in Sixteen Candles made Long Duk Dong a household name. Pronger was just ten years old then, and you know there must have been kids in his fourth-grade class who called him "the Donger." Children can be so cruel.

06. After 13 years in the NHL, Chris Pronger's won the Norris Trophy, the Hart and the Plus/Minus Award, but never the Stanley Cup. Maybe that's frustrating for a player as competitive as he. Maybe he seethes with covetous rancor over hockey's ultimate prize. If so, you can expect Chris Pronger to be a whole lot mellower tomorrow.

More Sabres Songs

justwide — Wed, 23 May 2007 16:53:37 GMT

If you liked woot's podcast about the Buffalo Sabres, you may enjoy this extensive collection of Sabres tribute songs from WGR SportsRadio 550, radio home of the Buffalo Sabres. "Domo Arigato Tom Golisano" has to rank among the best sports-themed pop parodies of all time.

Buffalo's Lament

justwide — Tue, 22 May 2007 04:53:28 GMT

Many Just Wide readers probably know there's some overlap between our editorial staff of one and the woot podcast team. The two worlds collide in today's podcast — a ditty about the Buffalo Sabres' untimely exit from the playoffs. Click the preceding link for the mp3 or listen by way of the easy-peasy player on the main page at woot.com.

For those of you who're unfamiliar with it, woot's podcast is a daily novelty recording available Monday through Friday, and is usually about whatever product woot's selling that day. Occasionally, like today, it's about something else.

It's not a masterpiece, but after all, these have been coming out five times a week since Hallowe'en of 2005, so they aren't all going to be instant classics. Here are the lyrics:

Well, the Senators' goaltender said
he'd've rather been in NYC
'cause up there in Buffalo there's almost nothing to do
And those Sabres fans wanted his head
for disparaging their fair city
But now that their season is over it's even more true

There's a feeling of dejection
as cold as the lake effect snow
The Stanley Cup Finals are coming around
but the Sabres are not going to go

Well, it sure seemed like this was their year
They were the regular season's best team
But the President's Trophy's cold comfort, if comfort at all
Now they'll probably trade Daniel Briere
and Buffalo's starting to seem
like their fortune in hockey's as good as their luck in football

There's a feeling of dejection
as cold as the lake effect snow
The Stanley Cup Finals are coming around
but the Sabres are not going to go

The Stanley Cup Finals are coming around
but they won't come to old Buffalo

Once again, here's a link to the mp3.

'72 Summit Series Goalies in Government

justwide — Thu, 17 May 2007 16:09:56 GMT

Last week Reuters reported that Russia has rejected a new player transfer agreement negotiated between the IIHF and the NHL. Two years ago, Russia also declined to sign the agreement in place now. It expires next month.

So I'm reading this article, and here comes a quote from the Russian Ice Hockey Federation president, pooh-poohing the NHL's $200,000 offer for developing players as a "handout" — and it's Vladislav Tretiak. Yes, that Tretiak.

Tretiak's a politician? All the Russian hockey buffs among you will be surprised I didn't know this, but I guess the Russian State Duma is in my blind spot (along with, I'm sorry to say, the representative assemblies of almost all the world's governments). I ask you, though: What's with Summit Series goalies and politics? Tretiak is chairman of the Duma Committee on Physical Culture, Sport, and Youth, having been elected in 2003 as a United Russia party candidate — and his Canadian counterpart in goal for games one, four, six and eight, Ken Dryden, is a Liberal Party MP representing a district in Toronto. (Here's his voting record if you're interested.)

In conspicuous variance with this trend is Tony Esposito, Canada's better goalie in the Summit Series. He was GM of the Penguins for a few minutes, but I don't know what he's up to now. Contemplating a run for office, I should expect.

Tomas Holmstrom, Demolition Man

justwide — Thu, 17 May 2007 06:08:02 GMT

By now you've seen the scary-dirty hit Pronger and Niedermayer layed on Red Wing playoff paladin Tomas Holmstrom Tuesday night. Impressed with Homer's third-period return to the ice (and his production that night, and his seemingly endless tolerance for physical punishment throughout the post-season), NHL.com has an article comparing Holmstrom to some tough customers of Hollywood fiction.

"He’s looking more and more like Bruce Willis’ character in the Die Hard movies," staff writer Evan Grossman says. "Like The Terminator, he just keeps coming back for more."

The weird thing about this line of schtick is that Holmstrom already has a cheesy action movie nickname — has for years, and it isn't either of these. It's "Demolition Man." This goes unmentioned in the NHL.com piece.

Dearborn Dope-Thief Cop Scores, Asks Score

justwide — Thu, 10 May 2007 20:32:56 GMT

A Dearborn police officer is resigning but not facing charges after admitting to stealing marijuana from suspects for his own personal use. His crimes came to light when he called 911 on April 21, 2006, in fear that he and his wife were overdosing on their stolen stash. According to the Detroit Free Press, he asked the dispatcher "the score of the Red Wings game on television that night, explaining, 'I just want to make sure this isn't some type of, like, hallucination that I'm having.'"

For the record, that was no hallucination: That night the Wings won Game One of their first-round playoff series against Edmonton in double overtime.

Dr. Cox Loves the Red Wings

justwide — Wed, 09 May 2007 15:23:28 GMT

We've had the conversation Dr. Cox starts in this clip from NBC's SCRUBS, but we never warned our fellow conversators beforehand.

Snoop Dogg Loves the Ducks

justwide — Wed, 02 May 2007 01:59:18 GMT

Our friend Jason passed along this video clip of Snoop Dogg attending his very first NHL game. He tells FSN he came because his son's a budding hockey fan, and they live right up the street from Anaheim's home ice. No lofty, remote luxury box for the family Dogg; they're sitting "right next to the snow — when they was getting ready to start fighting, I was so close I almost wanted to throw a blow."

I like his enthusiasm, even if he does plug his new album before giving a cheer.